Is your life making you sick? - how stress can affect your health
Essence , June, 1990 by Pearl Cleage
IS YOUR LIFE MAKING YOU SICK?
THIS WRITER FOUND THAT HER LIFE WAS. AND THEN SHE DISCOVERED THAT THE CURE FOR
HER BODY LAY IN THE WAY SHE LIVED
It took everything I had to walk normally to the ladies` room between the mayor`s
office and the city-council chambers. I wanted to run, to be out of sight before
the tears came. I knew they were coming, and fast, unless I could lock the bathroom
door and take enough deep breaths to calm the panic.
I was in luck. The room was empty. I locked the door and grabbed the edge of
the sink, which felt warmer than my hands. I could feel my heart beating, and I
was gasping for air so loudly I was afraid they could hear me in the hallway. I
squeezed my eyes shut and tried desperately to pull myself together.
My boss, the city`s first Black mayor, was under incredible stress as he tried
to calm the fears of those who weren`t ready for "Black Power" at City Hall and
meet the high expectations of those whose votes had put him in office. Sometimes
those of us on his personal staff felt the brunt of that pressure. I often found
myself on the defensive in meetings where my suggestions and memos were met with
his disapproval, disbelief or even disgust. My delight in holding the pivotal position
of press secretary was beginning to evaporate in the face of an increasingly difficult
reality.
He doesn`t mean it, I reminded myself. He`s just tense. He knows you`re a good
writer. He hired you for this job. Besides, if it gets too bad, you can always quit
and find another job.
Quit? The unexpected suggestion from my subconscious startled me, and I opened
my eyes. This was not just a job, but a cause, a mission--the job I was trained
to do and committed to doing well. My boss needed me. I would never quit this job.
Never! I was tough. I could handle it. I always did, didn`t I?
I began breathing more normally. I looked in the mirror and smiled at myself,
still shaky, but better now. Then I noticed that my left eye was twitching, just
a little tic near the corner. It was hardly noticeable at first, but as regular
as a clock.
I was horrified. A nervous tic? Even though I had been crying in this very bathroom
almost every day for the last two weeks and waking up with headaches so often I
had started taking "preventive" pain-killers before going to sleep, I still hadn`t
admitted to myself how much my job was upsetting me. In the hope of fooling myself,
I had ignored the messages my body was sending me. And then my eye betrayed me in
a City Hall mirror. Tic. Tic. Tic.
I threw cold water on my face, grabbed my purse and fled to the nearest park,
where I spent the day sitting on the grass and looking at the lake, trying to relax
enough to make my eye stop twitching. I went to bed early that night but didn`t
sleep well.
In the morning, my eye was still twitching. I headed for work anyway, but when
I got there and pulled into the parking lot, my stomach was in a knot and my eye
was twitching so hard I didn`t have to look in the mirror; I could feel it. I stayed
at the office only long enough to say I was going home sick; then I headed back
to the park to think.
If I went home, I knew my boss would call with a rush assignment or send a messenger
to deliver it to the house. He`d actually done that the day I`d brought my newborn
daughter home from the hospital. Determined to prove that motherhood was not going
to interfere with my productivity, I`d plunged right in and soon had found myself
burping my new baby with my left hand while scribbling a speech with my right. I
went back to work full-time the day after we both passed our six-week checkups.
Still determined to be Wonder Woman, I`d spent the first month speeding home at
lunchtime to nurse my daughter, then dashing back to work before my boss could miss
me.
Laughing a little at the memory, I suddenly realized that I had never broken
that pattern. I took on every job that was assigned as if I had nothing else to
do. I was determined to do it faster and better than it had ever been done before.
Not only did I want to please my boss--I didn`t want to let Black people down, even
if it meant destroying my health, equilibrium and peace of mind.
The first thing I had to admit to myself was that I was in trouble. I knew I
had been burning the candle at both ends, but at 25 I was still young enough to
believe I was invincible. I had survived the 1960`s intact and understood clearly
that it was my responsibility to use the education and advantages the struggle had
won for me to "uplift the race." I was convinced that I could, and should, perform
well at an incredibly demanding job, satisfy my boss`s perfectionism, love my husband,
entertain and be entertained regularly, nurture and enjoy my 3-month-old daughter
and write a little poetry on the side.
And for a while I did all those things--and did them well. But the hectic pace
and nonstop demands of my personal and professional lives were taking a toll on
me physically, mentally and spiritually. Yet I couldn`t acknowledge to myself that
I was at the point of doing myself serious damage.
Post Scripts
Saturday Evening Post , Sept, 1999
Mow or Less
Man sows grass seed in early spring,
Then waters and feeds to grow it,
Then all summer long, he will try
To find excuses not to mow it.
--William E. Morgan
And the World Laughs With You!
Angry pressures build in men
Which would cut their lives in half,
Were it not for the fact that God
has installed
His safety valve--the laugh!
--Gary T. Juarez
Retirement Blues
Since I`ve retired, I haven`t had a holiday off. Come Labor Day, the Fourth of
July, or Veterans` Day, my buddies still expect me to be on the course for an eight
o`clock tee time.
--Robert E. Thomson
Eschew on This!
Though healthful menus sometimes
bore us,
We can`t help but conclude
That fatty foods are better for us
When they are well eschewed.
--G. Sterling Leiby
Actually, They Prefer Tequila
A teacher took a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. He put one
worm in the water. The worm wiggled about happily. He put the second worm in the
whiskey. It writhed around and then sank to the bottom.
"What lesson do we learn from this experiment?" the teacher asked.
Kevin raised his hand and said, "Drink whiskey and you won`t get worms!"
--Anonymous
Pedantic Antics
It`s been said that verbal dexterity
Is the gateway to social success,
So I set out to dazzle society
And my tacit shortcomings redress.
I spoke with voluble eloquence,
Pronouncing each word as it
should be.
I soon had myself to speak to,
For, alas, no one else understood me!
--Pearl Hoffman
A Total Liar
A member of my golf club has a notorious reputation for, to put it delicately,
being unable to add.
One afternoon he walked by a table where I sat with some newer members. One of
them asked me what the passerby did for a living. I told him, "He writes fiction."
"That`s great," he said. "What`s his latest work?"
"His score card" was my reply.
--Jack Winder
It Depends on What the Meaning of Is Is
Our president seems willing to finesse the truth whenever it`s to his advantage.
And while that leads some to call him a fibber, a prevaricator, or worse, he may
just be a "chronic lawyer."
--Mark Tipton
The Digital Age
The little girl asked her mother what a digit was. The mother and child looked
the word up in the dictionary and discovered that a digit was either a number from
zero to nine or a finger or toe.
"Now do you understand?" the mother asked.
"I think so," the young girl replied, "but if a finger is a digit, why don`t
digital watches have hands?"
--K. L. Jones
Jigsaw in Jig Time
"How long did it take you to do the puzzle?"
"Four months."
"Well, gee, that`s good! It says on the box `two to four years.`"
--Marguerite Loucks Dye
The Trouble Spot
A sign in front of a country church: "If you have troubles, come in and tell
us about them. If you have none, come in and tell us how you do it."
--Tom R. Kovach
Defeating the Purpose
A man going to visit his parents found a note on the door advising him that they
had gone to the store, but that the key to the front door was under the mat. Before
he could react to the note, his parents drove up.
"That`s not a very good idea," the man said, pointing to the note. "Why, anyone
could come along, lift the mat, and get your key."
"Relax, Son," his father said. "We`re not crazy enough to leave the key under
the mat. Go ahead; take a look."
The son lifted the mat. There was no key, just another note that read: "The key`s
not here. It`s in the mailbox."
--K. L. Jones
Ewe Better Baa-lieve It!
Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleece was white as snow.
And every time she looked at it,
She saw another clone.
They followed her to school one day,
Which wasn`t against the rules
Because, you see, Mary worked
on gene research
At the Eweniversity.
--Chris Myers
Enough to Go Around
One day while taking a walk through a strange neighborhood, I came across a small
black dog who briefly barred my way, barking dutifully as if to say: "Look, you,
no funny business. I`m in charge around here, and I`ve got my eye on you!"
Finished with the warning, he turned and fled back up the driveway from whence
he came. Strange, I thought, what a funny little dog! I had just resumed my walk
when he came back, all doggie smiles this time, with pleading eyes that spoke eloquently:
"No one`s home to tell me I`ve been good. But I have been good! Someone tell me
I`ve been good!"
What else could I do? I leaned over and patted him on the head. "Good dog," I
said. "Nice job of guarding the house." Satisfied with my recognition, he turned
around and sauntered back up the driveway.
Sometimes all any of us wants is a bit of praise, and it doesn`t matter much
who gives it.
--Rick Thorne
Middle Ground
The battle of the bulge begins;
The waistline grows and grows.
Perhaps we call it "middle" age
Because that`s where it shows.
--Charles Ghigna3
COPYRIGHT 1999 Saturday Evening Post Society
COPYRIGHT 2004 Gale Group
Eyes relaxation index
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